Currently browsing men Category

Page 1 of 1

Rule #61: Know the Difference Between LITTLE BOYS vs REAL MEN

Posted by Rachel Hangover in Boys, cougars, men

, , ,

A while back I wrote an article titled ‘Know the Difference Between Fuckable vs Dateable’. I stand by everything I wrote in that article, but I’d like to amend it. That is because recently, a Little Boy attempted to date me. And I got very confused. Despite his young age, he fit all of my criteria for dating, not just fucking. And he played it like he was trying to be my full time daddy, not just a fun time (which I would have been totally down for). But I quickly realized that he is not dateable. He is no longer even fuckable, because he is just a Little Boy.

Even if you are fucking for fucks sake, as in, you have no intention of actually dating the person you’re banging, you should still be fucking a REAL MAN, not a Little Boy. I used to love fucking little boys…. (wait. oops! DON’T CALL CHILD SERVICES! I of course mean over 18 years little boys) …because that’s all they’re good for. But now that I’m in my thirties, ain’t nobody got time fo that.

You see, age has nothing to do with it. Young twenty-something studs can be REAL MEN and some dudes in their thirties and beyond are still little boys. Since it can be difficult to know the difference, let me break it down for you:

REAL MEN DON’T LIE
because they don’t need to. If you’re not the only chick they are fucking, they will tell you straight up. Real Men don’t have the time or energy to lie and even if they did, a real man knows he’ll get respect, not just pussy, if he’s honest. So of course,

REAL MEN DON’T PLAY GAMES
because they don’t need to. Real Men say what they mean and do what they say they will do. They don’t keep you waiting; they value your time as much as their own. And they don’t try to fuck with your head or your heart because

REAL MEN RESPECT WOMEN
as much as they respect themselves. Real Men view women as equals, not objects. And last but definitely not least,

REAL MEN EAT PUSSY
and they fucking love it. And they don’t give one single fuck if it’s bushed, bristly, bald, or bleeding. A Real Man will pull your tampon out with his teeth because a Real Man has tasted blood before and he ain’t scared of it. A Real Man doesn’t put the pussy on a pedestal, he puts it in his mouth where it belongs.

(If you still don’t know how – for FUCK’S SAKE LEARN!!! – Read THIS! )

News Flash: Dudes Have Feelings Too

Posted by Rachel Hangover in depraved guy, men, sex

, , ,

johnnydeppcrybaby

Crazy talk, right?  I know, I know. We ladies are so used to sexism, so used to the idea that men are just trying to fuck us, that we don’t realize that sometimes we act just like them. But it turns out that boys have feelings, and they can get hurt, just as bad as ours.

This all came to my attention because of a recent blog I posted entitled “Know the Difference Between Fuckable vs. Dateable”. In this blog, I referred to certain types of men as ‘Human Dildos’. Now, I still think that’s funny; just like I think referring to certain females as ‘Cum Dumpsters’ is funny. But it’s not so funny when you are on the receiving end of such a reference.

Dudes catch feelings for the girls they are banging just like girls. Maybe not as often, but maybe that is just what we are conditioned to think as a society. We are told to protect our daughters; that men only think with their dicks; that women are weak and emotional and men are strong and stoic. Well, guess what? That’s a lot of bullshit. Women can be douchebags, too. And men can be total sweethearts who just want love. And both genders can be trifilin’ hoes.

Now we here at The Girl’s Guide to Depravity like to make a lot of rules. But the most important thing to remember in love and war and dating and fucking is the most important rule of all: treat others as you would like to be treated. Be honest. Be real. Don’t hurt other people lest you hurt yourself. Don’t treat a good man like a dick because you wouldn’t want a man to treat you like a cunt. Keep it sexy, keep it safe, keep it classy… but also keep it kind.

Once You Go Hairy, It Ain’t So Scary…

Posted by The Girl's Guide to Depravity in men

, ,

hairy-chest-hot-520

For many years I thought I was only attracted to blonde-haired, blue-eyed Ken doll types, but after a few more recent encounters with dark and handsome men, I now go both ways. While I’ll always be a sucker for light eyes, I appreciate a solid beard and I’ve even found that a decent amount of chest hair turns me on — especially if it hasn’t been groomed.

The last person I had sex with wasn’t a total werewolf (read: he didn’t have back, ass or shoulder hair), but he had plenty of fur on his torso. You couldn’t even see skin in some spots, and if I had dropped a piece of gum on him, it would have gotten embedded deep in his chest carpet. He sometimes trimmed it, but not too close, which is key. When he let it grow out it was soft, and during our post-coital snuggles I actually caught myself stroking it because I liked the the way it felt on my fingertips. I’m not even kidding.

Interestingly enough, I now have the same sentiments about pubic hair when it comes to shaving. While I don’t want a bush, I’d rather have that than a prickly pair of balls. Hair down there is normal and the softer it is, the better. So for those of you ladies out there who haven’t gotten touchy feely with a fuzzy fellow, I urge you to try it out before turning your nose up. And to the guys — don’t put your clipper settings too low when it comes time to manscape. No one likes stubble south of the border.

Rule # 58: Just Because He’s Paying For Dinner Doesn’t Mean You’re Not A Booty Call

Posted by The Girl's Guide to Depravity in fuck, men, sex

, , ,

coupledinnerkisstablelovesexy-cc7b305666d0610423b1dcda2e6e2236_h

Up until my mid-twenties, it was pretty easy to draw the line between a guy who had boyfriend potential versus a guy you’d bang at 2am after drinking too much tequila. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found it trickier to determine whether a guy is serious about me or simply using me for sex.

To me, there’s three types of guys: a fuck buddy, a guy you date non-exclusively (that is, until someone decides to end it or stop seeing other people), and a committed boyfriend. Fuck buddies don’t always snuggle with you or spend the night, and you seldom have to worry about who’s paying for dinner, because the only thing you’re eating is each other’s genitals. At the opposite end of the spectrum, guys who want to settle down let you know you’re the only one they’re sleeping with, so the real grey area is the guys you’re dating.

Dating can encompass everything from being a fuck buddy to being close to settling down, and if a guy thinks there’s a chance he might like you as something more than a piece of ass, he’ll put in a minimal amount of effort until he figures out what he wants. And even if he finds that he only wants to fuck around, he will still take you out to dinner if he knows it’s a surefire way to get in your pants. If he knows he can get away with booty calling you at midnight, he’ll do it, but as we get older, we’re willing to put up with far less shit, so as a result, guys are willing to do more shit to make us believe that they’re not total scumbags.

This Blog Will Get You Laid

Posted by The Girl's Guide to Depravity in advice, men, sex

getlaid
 

Remember when I decided to play for the other team and help out a friend who was trying to fuck this 24-year-old receptionist at his work?

Well, thanks to my advice, it totally worked! Dude finally banged her last night and he said it was all because I had told him to go fuck someone else first.

There you go, folks, proof the Rules of Depravity will get you laid. If you or someone you know needs a little advice of their own, you can send your questions to thegirlsguidetodepravity@gmail.com and I’ll answer them here on the blog.  Or if you want to remain anonymous, you can always contact me through Formspring!