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How to Deal With That One-Night Stand You Keep Bumping Into

Posted by Rachel Hangover in One-Night Stand

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Oh, fuck.  Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.  There he is again.  That GUY you fucked that one time.  Or was it two?  Three?  Oh, who’s counting?  Here he comes, with a bunch of his friends.   What do you do?  WHAT DO YOU DO???

*Ahem*

STEP 1:  Make eye contact.  Don’t pretend you didn’t see him.  That is some lame ass seventh grade shit and he can smell it.  If he doesn’t see you, then sweet, you don’t have to deal with it.  If he pretends not to see you, then sweet, he’s a douche and you never have to fuck him again.  But if he does see you…

STEP 2:  Smile.  Don’t do a fake cheesy newscaster smile.  Those never look good.  And don’t grin wildly with fear in your eyes.  Gah!  That’s the worst thing you can do.  Just give him a polite ‘oh, nice to see you smile’.  Nothing more, nothing less.  He will either
a) ignore you, and then he’s a douche- no worries, whatever.
b) smile back, and go about his business – cool, no harm, no foul
c) wave or make some other gesture, in which case you return said gesture, but no more, no less  OR
d) comes over to give you a hug and/or strike up a conversation
IF THIS HAPPENS, it means he had a good time fucking you and most likely wants to do it again…

STEP 3:  Play it cool.  Be nice.  Tell him its nice to see him and ask how he has been.  If he wants a hug, give it to him.  You already gave him your punanny, you can handle a goddamned hug.  He will either
a)  keep it short and sweet and go about his business and then, yay, that was nice.  Its always nice to run into nice people.  OR
b)  make himself comfortable and/or introduce you to his friends
IF THIS HAPPENS it means he DEFINITELY wants to fuck you again…

STEP 4:  Accept or decline.  If you choose to
a)  decline, be super sweet about it.  Be honest.  Tell him the real reason behind why you ‘can’t’ or why ‘tonight isn’t a good night’.  If you want to fuck him again, try to make plans for another time.  If you don’t, let him down gently. He’s obviously a sweet, solid, respectful dude for handling this situation this well so far…  BUT if you choose to
b) accept, then FUCK YEAH! Ride that baby boy like you did before and be all sorts of pleased with yourself about it.  You win!  You just turned a one night stand into a multiple night stand and maybe even a recurring fuck buddy. Congratulations, you are a boss bitch.  Now go get down with your bad self AND your new boy toy.  Cheers, you’ve earned it.