Currently browsing Uncategorized Category

Page 2 of 2

Rule #41: A True Friend Will Share Her Ex-Fling

Posted by The Girl's Guide to Depravity in Uncategorized

exfling
 

Any Depraved Girl knows how hard it is to find a good fuck — so why not share the dick when you’re done with him?

Unlike ex-boyfriends and Prada shoes, a man who was nothing more to you than a great fling should be passed around your girlfriends like a case of Herpes at a middle school.

I once encountered a man with a magic dick.  He could basically wave his wand around a couple of times and POOF!  I had an orgasm.  I could have gone on fucking him and his preternatural penis for many more months but my body has an uncanny sense of humor and decided it was time to give me the worst UTI of my life.  My snatch was out of commission.  But I couldn’t let a peen like that go to waste.

I called up my friend M (who hadn’t had sex in so long that the shot-putter in the Special Olympics was starting to make her cream) and told her to put him at the top of her to-do list.  Then I texted him her number and waited until morning to get the dirty deets.  Hey, at least I could fuck vicariously through her if I couldn’t have sex with him myself!

Although a good fuck is meant to be shared with a good friend, sometimes a bad one needs to be shared with a bad friend.  I had the worst sex with this gorgeous but clueless douche who thought putting me in as many positions as possible in the one minute it took for him to blow his load was hot.  I had been just waiting for a way to get revenge on a frenemy who had stolen three of my girls’ boyfriends, so I strategically bragged about my not-so-hottie one night at a bar.  Her interest was immediately piqued.  So I told her he was no longer returning my texts, but she might be more his type and gave her his digits.

I didn’t see her again until the next week.  She complained that all the bedroom gymnastics led to a nasty groin sprain which put her vagina out of commission for a month.  Whoops!