In this edition of “Ask a Depraved Bitch,” a reader wants to know what the actual size of her latest lust is:
I’ve been online stalking some guy who claims to be 8″. But guys always lie about their height and their penis size, so how big do you think he is really? Don’t just advise me to fuck him to find out, I wanna know in advance so I don’t waste anymore time thinking about this dick if he’s not up to my standards.
Dear Size Queen,
Much like the butt sex ratio, there is indeed a penis size ratio. The average American penis is 5 1/2 inches hard. Yet most men tell women they are from 7-8 inches. So I would definitely apply a two-inch deduction to whatever he says. But there’s really no way to be sure until he whips out his boner. You don’t have to fuck him per se to find out, but a little bit of a handy never hurt. Course, if this is a strictly textual relationship, tell him to send you a dick pic posed next to a ruler. Then you’ll know.