Currently browsing Posts Tagged “advice”

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Just The Tip…Of The Week: Don’t Tell Me To Touch Myself

Posted by The Girl's Guide to Depravity in advice, fuck, How-To, orgasms, sex

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woman-masturbating

Please don’t tell me to touch myself when we’re getting it on.

I don’t need to be the boss, but I’m not big on men making demands of me in the bedroom. I’d like to think that we’re equals, and if you have a specific request, there are reasonable ways to ask.

When we’re naked in bed and you’re kissing my neck and we’re about to take it to the next level, the quickest way to kill the mood is to whisper in my ear, “I want you to play with your pussy.” First of all, the word pussy is just…ugh. Don’t! Second, ordering me to masturbate on command makes me cringe. It’s pretty difficult to get me off unless you’ve been going down on me for a few minutes (or unless there’s a toy involved), but if you’re watching me rub myself and I feel like I have to put on a show, it’s the least pleasurable thing ever. It’s not going make me orgasm, and I’m a terrible actress, so all it’s going to do is make me look and feel stupid.

If I want to play with myself during sex, you’ll know…or you can just take charge and grab my vibrator out of my top drawer. That’s the guaranteed way to make me scream…and you don’t even have to ask!

Just The Tip…Of The Week” comes to you via SINGLE GIRL PROBLEMS, where you can read more of Elisabeth’s ramblings about sex, love and dating douchebags.

Just The Tip…Of The Week: Get Elevated!

Posted by The Girl's Guide to Depravity in advice, sex

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Whether it’s investing in a Liberator or using a few pillows to prop yourself up, it’s all about getting banged at the right angles.

My ex and I invested in a Liberator because, well, why the fuck not. But if you don’t have $200 to throw away on a massive foam wedge that you have to hide in the back of your closet when friends come over, two regular pillows always do the trick. Not only does it make certain positions feel better (read: deeper penetration), but when it comes to doing it doggy style, you will always look better with your tush in the air. Some guys may claim to be leg or tit men, but deep down, every dude is truly an ass man. When you bend over, any under-ass/thigh cellulite virtually disappears, they can see your vag and if you’re a pro at arching your back, it makes your butt look bigger and your waist look skinnier.

You’re welcome.

Just The Tip…Of The Week” comes to you via SINGLE GIRL PROBLEMS, where you can read more of Elisabeth’s ramblings about everything from overpriced sex furniture to dating douchebags in Los Angeles.

Rule #51: What You Don’t Know May Give You Herpes

Posted by The Girl's Guide to Depravity in RULE

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The worst thing about new fucks is not knowing what the hell is going on in their heads.  That’s why I am a big proponent of using whatever means necessary to get information (stalking, bribing his friends, checking his texts) because what you don’t know may actually give you an STD.

That’s why my fellow depraved friend Elisabeth (read her blog here) always schedules a visit with the gyno when any exclusive (i.e. condomless) relationship ends – whether as the result of a guy cheating, or just a suspicious sudden stop in communication.

Because the only thing worse than a relationship going south is a herpes breakout down south.

Speaking of my depraved friend Elisabeth, she’s going to become a regular contributor to this blog.  Show her some love on singlegirlproblems.com and check back here tomorrow for the first of many of her depraved posts!