Currently browsing Posts Tagged “oral sex”

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Rule #56: Ditch Him If He Doesn’t Go Down On You Every Time

Posted by The Girl's Guide to Depravity in fuck, orgasms, sex, vagina

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The ONLY exceptions to this rule are:

a) if you have your period
b) if you have a yeast infection
c) if you’ve just had sex and you’re covered in lube/a mixture of both of your bodily fluids
d) if he has a cold sore

I think that just about covers it. Even if your booty call caught you off guard and you haven’t shaved your cooch in weeks, a guy should always be pulling your underwear off and going to town.

It’s an essential part of foreplay, so don’t ever let a guy make you think that him licking you is a “special” thing either. A “special” thing is him buying you a new Marc Jacobs bag or writing you a two page love note telling you you’re the woman he wants to marry. Oral sex is a turn on and it makes intercourse far more pleasurable, so if a guy isn’t doing it, it’s safe to say he doesn’t care about getting you off. And simply put, you shouldn’t be getting naked with someone who doesn’t want to make you come.

Of the handful of men I’ve slept with, I’ve been at both ends of the spectrum. There were a few guys who made it obvious that they LOVED licking me, but I was with one guy for two years who never once did it. EVER! I was young and stupid and didn’t realize that this unacceptable bedroom behavior, and though he redeemed himself when we rekindled our romance 7 years later, never again will I put myself in that position.

This Is Not The Magic Number

Posted by The Girl's Guide to Depravity in blowjobs, sex

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I’d like to think that I’m pretty good at sucking a cock, but my oral sex skills are put into serious jeopardy if I’m distracted by a man simultaneously licking my clit. How on earth am I supposed to focus on what’s in front of me and what’s going on behind me at the same time?! And I don’t even have ADD!

On top of that, I don’t like any angle in the bedroom that puts my asshole in someone’s nose, even if I’m fresh from the shower. Maybe if I know them pretty well, but still.  I almost always miss a spot shaving back there, and I’ve never farted in someone’s face, but as we all know, there’s a first time for everything.

Does anyone out there actually enjoy 69ing? I mean, I don’t mind blowing a guy from this position, but when it comes to me, I want to sit back and enjoy my oral sex like I’m watching an episode of Revenge.