Ladies, we’ve all been there — the lust of your life is finally drunk enough to go home with you, but you’re riding the crimson wave. Do you opt to go home and have a threesome with Ben & Jerry or do you suck it up make the best of your bloody situation?
Obviously, I opt for the latter.
Let’s be honest, sometimes sex on your period just feels incredible. And although most guys I meet today either don’t mind it or are totally into it, you don’t want to have to set up a Dexter-style kill room before he sticks it in.
So here’s how to work it with minimal disruption to your sexy time:
- Before you even leave the club, stick in a fresh tampon.
- As soon as you get your prey home, give him another Tequila shot (or two) then quickly go into the bathroom, remove the ‘pon and give your cooch a whore’s bath.
- Bring a towel out out of the loo with you and lay it down on the bed.
- Put the condom on and go to town. Obviously with you on top, gravity won’t be helping your situation much, but chances are, he’s pretty wasted at this point and won’t notice when the red river starts gushing. So do your worst, you on top, him on top, you on your side, him on his side … go to town.
- As soon as he blows his load, reach for the bloody condom and grab the towel. Take them both into the bathroom, clean yourself up a little bit then return with a warm washcloth to wash off his dizzick.
- At this point, he should be passed out, so feel free to use the STD flashlight you keep near your bed to see if you’ve missed any spots and clean them up with the washcloth.
- Insert fresh tampon and pass the fuck out!
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