Once I had this friend over at my apartment to watch a movie. Now when I say “friend” I mean “guy I wouldn’t fuck unless he was the last man on earth and my vibrator was broken.”
The DVD player in my living room was broken, so we had to watch it in the bedroom. As soon as the credits finished rolling, he wrapped himself around me like a boa constrictor.
“I’m not going to fuck you,” I said loudly, making sure he wasn’t getting any XXX ideas. ”Don’t worry, I don’t want to fuck — I just want to cuddle.”
I obviously thought this was just his way of getting me in bed (after all, spooning leads to forking), but he seemed sincere.
“Ok, but the minute you pop wood, I’m kicking you out.” ”Deal,” he said.
So we lie there for about the entire first half of the movie — and nothing. No wood. Not even a little chub. I started to get pissed. This had never happened to me before. Who the hell is he not to get turned on by having his dick pressed against my ass?
So I turned off the movie and fucked him.
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