I know it’s hard to believe — but men actually are good for one thing other than sex.
I consider myself a VIB — a Very Independent Bitch. I can work a grill better than your dad. I can hook up an entire wireless entertainment system in my apartment without reading the instructions. I can pretty much do everything on my own except straight up fucking … And a trip to Ikea.
So now that I’m getting it regular, I made my steady fuck make the dreaded trip to the big blue and yellow building to get me some cheap ass shit for my apartment.
As my guy was loading all those boxes into the back of his SUV, I noticed some poor solo bitch struggling to pack her Birkeland dresser and Hemnes mirror into her beat-up Toyota Camry.
But did I try to help her? Fuck no.
“B, come help this girl,” I screamed, barely looking up from my textual conversation. So after he finishes shoving my stuff into his car, B. proceeded to help the girl load her car in. Then I made him help every other solo bitch in the place until all that was left were a bunch of families with kids who were screaming in another language.
So ladies, if the dick you’re currently attached to isn’t a complete tool, don’t be selfish — spread the wealth. Have him go over to your bff’s house to set up her new blu-ray player. Make him re-paint your gay’s foyer for the millionth time.
I’m not a complete douchebaguette. When he does these kinds of favors for my friends I always tip. And by “tip” I mean I let him play “just the tip” with his peen in my backdoor.
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