Ladies, we’ve all been there — the lust of your life is finally drunk enough to go home with you, but you’re riding the crimson wave. Do you opt to go home and have a threesome with Ben & Jerry or do you suck it up make the best of your bloody situation?
Obviously, I opt for the latter.
Let’s be honest, sometimes sex on your period just feels incredible. And although most guys I meet today either don’t mind it or are totally into it, you don’t want to have to set up a Dexter-style kill room before he sticks it in.
So here’s how to work it with minimal disruption to your sexy time:
- Before you even leave the club, stick in a fresh tampon.
- As soon as you get your prey home, give him another Tequila shot (or two) then quickly go into the bathroom, remove the ‘pon and give your cooch a whore’s bath.
- Bring a towel out out of the loo with you and lay it down on the bed.
- Put the condom on and go to town. Obviously with you on top, gravity won’t be helping your situation much, but chances are, he’s pretty wasted at this point and won’t notice when the red river starts gushing. So do your worst, you on top, him on top, you on your side, him on his side … go to town.
- As soon as he blows his load, reach for the bloody condom and grab the towel. Take them both into the bathroom, clean yourself up a little bit then return with a warm washcloth to wash off his dizzick.
- At this point, he should be passed out, so feel free to use the STD flashlight you keep near your bed to see if you’ve missed any spots and clean them up with the washcloth.
- Insert fresh tampon and pass the fuck out!
Two questions:
1. What's a whore's bath?
2. What is a STD flashlight?
May 13, 2011 @ 8:52 pm
And what makes sex feel better on a "Sunday Bloody Sunday"?
May 13, 2011 @ 9:05 pm
1. A whore's bath is when you wash your bits with a washcloth.
2. An STD flashlight is one of those little lights they give out at safe sex events that you can clip to your keychain so you can check your potential hookup's privates for bumps, lesions, crabs, etc.
3. You have a lot more feeling "down there" when you're on the rag plus all that blood makes for excellent lube.
May 13, 2011 @ 9:27 pm
hahaha dexter kill room
May 13, 2011 @ 10:18 pm
Having sex before and during your period actually helps relieve many symptoms. In my case, the first day or two I get it I am stuck in bed. I've been that way every since I was 15 years old. I bleed to death. It's crazy! Anyway, my boyfriend now won't have sex with me when I have my period.. but my previous boyfriend of four years had no problem with it and let me tell you, for those 4 years I had period pain relief and a somewhat normal period!
May 15, 2011 @ 5:15 pm
lol, luv ya, you are the only person I know besides my mother & myself who says "whore's bath". I don't care, I just do it anyway, lol.
May 24, 2011 @ 3:51 am