Now that I’m opening up the blog to viewer questions, I’m getting all sorts of doozies — everything from how to approach girls in bars to how to have anal without pooping (enema, darling.) But one particular question caught my eye.
A depraved reader writes:
I adore your blog and see that you are taking questions. Lucky me! I have a conundrum: I ended a 4 year relationship last year and was looking to start dating again. I ended up sleeping with a friend of a friend for a few months, (the sex is THAT good!) and I accidentally fell for him. The problem is he doesn’t bone me and immediately leave, he loves hanging out and we talk every day and are pretty much dating . . . except for the fact that he refuses to tell our friends. Everyone knows anyway, it’s ridiculous. He says “It just wouldn’t work out.” but we still go on dates and have 3 day long sleepover/sex sessions. What’s going on in this guy’s pea-brain!?!?
– Stuck Good in the Hood
Lemme get this straight — you’re having amazing sex and you’re complaining about it? Boo-fucking-hoo. Great sex is something to be cherished and celebrated, not muddied up with stupid shit like feelings and sleepovers. This is why you should never ever fall for your fuck buddy (one of the cardinal rules of depravity and the subject of an upcoming episode of the Cinemax show.)
Of course, you can’t help how you feel about him any more than he can help being a douchebag. Don’t try to figure him out. Just enjoy it for what it is.
You’re already in what sounds like the most amazing non-relationship relationship ever (that seems to consist of nothing but sex, verbal foreplay and more sex), so I would do your best to keep it going. If you push him to come out of the closet as a couple you can pretty much say goodbye to your marathon fuck sessions. And then not only will you not have a boyfriend, but you won’t have a fuck buddy anymore either.
Chances are he’ll leave you eventually and then you’ll hit a dry spell and will be wishing you kept his dick in your box for as long as you could. So what do you then? Rebound from your rebound, of course!
Are you in need of my depraved advice? Of course you are! E-mail me here and I just may answer you on the blog!
