If you ever wondered why some women seem to have a magic vag, one that can get any guy they want, wonder no more.
From the book The Girls Guide to Depravity, copyright Running Press Book Publishers.
Currently browsing Posts Published March 2012
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Mystery Solved
Posted by Heather in The Book
Rule #46: If Your Man Isn’t as Interested in Sex as You, F*ck Him
Posted by Heather in Rules
One of the biggest issues affecting Depraved Girls today is the lack of fuck-conscious men. Sure, stereotypically, it’s the men who beg and plead the women to bone them, but in my experience (and maybe it has to do with the fact that I’ve just encountered much more whiskey and coke-dick than the average woman), us ladies are just not getting our clam off as much as we’d like.
So if your man is acting all reluctant to wiggle his peen in you vag, fuck him. Dump his ass and go to a comic book store (do those still even exist?) or a Christian retreat and find a guy who will.
Of course if you’re too lazy to leave the house to find some new dick, you could also just fuck him, literally. Doesn’t matter if he’s too busy with his XBOX, dose him with Viagra and climb aboard while he’s playing Call of Duty.
“I Fell For My F*ck-Buddy”
Posted by Heather in advice
Now that I’m opening up the blog to viewer questions, I’m getting all sorts of doozies — everything from how to approach girls in bars to how to have anal without pooping (enema, darling.) But one particular question caught my eye.
A depraved reader writes:
I adore your blog and see that you are taking questions. Lucky me! I have a conundrum: I ended a 4 year relationship last year and was looking to start dating again. I ended up sleeping with a friend of a friend for a few months, (the sex is THAT good!) and I accidentally fell for him. The problem is he doesn’t bone me and immediately leave, he loves hanging out and we talk every day and are pretty much dating . . . except for the fact that he refuses to tell our friends. Everyone knows anyway, it’s ridiculous. He says “It just wouldn’t work out.” but we still go on dates and have 3 day long sleepover/sex sessions. What’s going on in this guy’s pea-brain!?!?
– Stuck Good in the Hood
Lemme get this straight — you’re having amazing sex and you’re complaining about it? Boo-fucking-hoo. Great sex is something to be cherished and celebrated, not muddied up with stupid shit like feelings and sleepovers. This is why you should never ever fall for your fuck buddy (one of the cardinal rules of depravity and the subject of an upcoming episode of the Cinemax show.)
Of course, you can’t help how you feel about him any more than he can help being a douchebag. Don’t try to figure him out. Just enjoy it for what it is.
You’re already in what sounds like the most amazing non-relationship relationship ever (that seems to consist of nothing but sex, verbal foreplay and more sex), so I would do your best to keep it going. If you push him to come out of the closet as a couple you can pretty much say goodbye to your marathon fuck sessions. And then not only will you not have a boyfriend, but you won’t have a fuck buddy anymore either.
Chances are he’ll leave you eventually and then you’ll hit a dry spell and will be wishing you kept his dick in your box for as long as you could. So what do you then? Rebound from your rebound, of course!
Are you in need of my depraved advice? Of course you are! E-mail me here and I just may answer you on the blog!
Rule #45: You Don’t Have to be the Hottest Girl in the Room, Just the Smartest
Posted by Heather in Rules
There’s always gonna be some bitch who’s hotter or taller or has a nicer ass than you, but while you can’t compete with genetics (or surgical enhancements) you can beat them with your smarts.
Now let me be clear: I’m not talking about book smarts OR street smarts. What I’m talking about is dick smarts.
What are dick smarts? Dick smarts are knowing exactly how and what to do to get any guy you want. It’s using your head to outsmart your competition instead of your big breastacles.
How do you get dick wise? Well, you’re reading this blog, so that’s a good start. Reading the book would be an even better start. But in a nutsac-shell, you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to get the guy and take down your prettier but clueless competition. Whether it’s hiding your competish’s Coach bag so she spends all night looking for her coke stash while you spend all night boning her guy, or roofie-ing your target’s drink so you can club him and take him home with you, you’ve got to be single-minded in pursuit of his dick. Then and only then will you be dick smart.
What’s Your Guilty Pleasure?
Posted by Heather in party
Hey, all you gluttonous New Yorkers! The beautiful Sally Golan, star of The Girl’s Guide to Depravity on Cinemax, is hosting a Guilty Pleasure party at the NYC Museum of Sex Thursday, March 29th at 8:30.
There will be aphrodisiac inspired cocktails, chocolate, naughty toys and of course EXCLUSIVE clips of the show!
How could you miss this?
RSVP here.
And join the convo on Twitter. Follow @ExposingNYC #guiltypleasureparty and share your guilty pleasure secrets.
See mine in the comments below!
Posted by Heather in awkward moments
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