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Sometimes you get caught with your pants down and no ass lube in sight. Luckily, you only have to look as far as your shower for some emergency lube: hair conditioner.
My friend B was in a similar bind one late night and used this with great success. Course, her butthole smelled like calming vanilla and ylang ylang for days afterward, but at least it had the sheen and vibrancy of a much less damaged ass.
I may spend $200 bucks on denim that makes a guy think of nothing but getting in my back door when he sees how great they make my ass look, but there are only three explanations for a man wearing designer denim:
1. He’s gay.
2. He’s Persian/Russian/Italian/Armenian (insert your ethnic stereotype here).
3. He’s bad in bed.
I once went out with a guy who was wearing the trifecta of over-compensation: True Religion Jeans, Uggs and diamond studs in his ears.
I should have known better but I was horny, he was otherwise hot and my vibe was on the fritz. So I fucked him.
Correction — I sat on top of him for two pumps before he showed me an O-face uglier than the one your dog makes when he’s taking a shit.
And I’m not the only one who’s gotten fucked when she wanted to get screwed by a guy in designer denim. My friend T is particularly adept at attracting guys who sport girl-butt and it never works out for her. Usually all they want from her is a bj (she’s got amazing cock-sucking lips) but when she insists on doing the do, she either gets a guy with a tiny peen, a two-pump chump, or someone who can’t get off without a finger or a fist up his ass.
Posted by Heather in ass, boobs, grab, St. Patrick's Day
Ladies, as you prepare for a depraved evening of drinking, slutting and screwing for St. Patrick’s Day 2010, let me give you one piece of advice:
DON’T WEAR GREEN.
Today is the one day that by actually doing nothing, you’ll attract more guys. Forget grabbing HIS ass, they’ll be lining up to pinch YOU.
Hopefully on your nipples.
Happy hunting!
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