I have a girlfriend, D, who’s so fucking patient, she waited a whole year for her perfect motorcycle-riding guy to break up with his imperfect girlfriend.  Course, she did help things along a bit in the break-up department with the aid of a gallon of mudslides, a hot tub and the girl’s ex-boyfriend, but the very minute his Facebook status changed from “In A Relationship” to “It’s Complicated,” she called and asked him out to drinks.

“It was the best date of my life,” she later told me.  ”The sex was hot?” I asked.  “No, we didn’t do it.”

I practically choked on my Xantini.  ”What the fuck do you mean, your vagina waited patiently for a year for this dude and didn’t do him?”

“It’s the first date,” she said, “I’m waiting until the third, I don’t want him to think I’m a slut!”

Date number two came but she didn’t, and after, my girl starts getting prepped for the big date #3.  She waxes, she plucks, she tans.  Hell, she even got her asshole bleached.

The next day, bright and early, I called her up.

“So?  Is your pussy sore?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said, sounding depressed.  ”What?  He had a micro-dick?”

“Worse.  He’s dead.”

Apparently her bike-riding hottie got into a horrible accident the day of their sex date and his dick was being buried (along with the rest of him) before she’d ever gotten the chance to wrap her cooch around it.

Bottom line is men all leave one way or another.  So why wait for some arbitrary date to get off? Might as well have some fun and get laid while you can!