Who the hell came up with the three date rule as the standard time a girl’s got to wait to get off with a new guy? I say, fuck the rules and fuck on the first date if you want to.
I have a girlfriend, D, who’s so fucking patient, she waited a whole year for her perfect motorcycle-riding guy to break up with his imperfect girlfriend. Course, she did help things along a bit in the break-up department with the aid of a gallon of mudslides, a hot tub and the girl’s ex-boyfriend, but the very minute his Facebook status changed from “In A Relationship” to “It’s Complicated,” she called and asked him out to drinks.
“It was the best date of my life,” she later told me. ”The sex was hot?” I asked. “No, we didn’t do it.”
I practically choked on my Xantini. ”What the fuck do you mean, your vagina waited patiently for a year for this dude and didn’t do him?”
“It’s the first date,” she said, “I’m waiting until the third, I don’t want him to think I’m a slut!”
Date number two came but she didn’t, and after, my girl starts getting prepped for the big date #3. She waxes, she plucks, she tans. Hell, she even got her asshole bleached.
The next day, bright and early, I called her up.
“So? Is your pussy sore?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said, sounding depressed. ”What? He had a micro-dick?”
“Worse. He’s dead.”
Apparently her bike-riding hottie got into a horrible accident the day of their sex date and his dick was being buried (along with the rest of him) before she’d ever gotten the chance to wrap her cooch around it.
Bottom line is men all leave one way or another. So why wait for some arbitrary date to get off? Might as well have some fun and get laid while you can!
I totally agree with this.
April 27, 2010 @ 5:18 am
Amen!!! Who gives a toss what others think, a girl's gotta get hers!
April 27, 2010 @ 5:25 am
What about fucking before the first date? I like that even better.
May 1, 2010 @ 7:56 pm
Was out to diner with a woman who abruptly said "I don't sleep with someone until the 5th date" (there was no mention of sex before this in our conversation). I very jokingly said "well, I'll take you home after dinner, pull out of your driveway, pull back in and we'll go out for a drink. I'll do the same and take you out for dessert. Eventually we can get 5 dates done in one night". She got very serious and said "It doesn't count as a date unless he spends $100". Stunned, I said "Why don't I just give you the $500 now and we can cut out the rest of it?". She got quite upset and said I called her a prostitute. I simply replied that she was the one who set the price. Needless to say, dinner ended quickly as did the date.
May 5, 2010 @ 6:08 pm
Wait, he really died??
What is asshole bleaching?? Sorry, Im from the midwest.
May 5, 2010 @ 7:34 pm
Toad, I am from San Francisco and I don't know what asshole bleaching is!
September 11, 2010 @ 4:25 pm
It's exactly what it sounds like… you bleach the brown colour out of your asshole so it's more skin-toned.
September 20, 2010 @ 8:24 pm