What’s the best thing about summer? Sexy, sweaty, summer sex. But what’s the second best thing about summer? Summer vacays, of course! And although there’s nothing better than sexy, sweaty, summer vacation sex, sometimes your schedule just doesn’t align with your man’s and you’re forced to let him getaway without you.
So what’s a horny girl to do when your man goes on holiday without you?
Invest in some sex toys. Whether it’s a quick weekend trip to Cabo or a month-long jaunt around Thailand, if you plan on being faithful, you better get yourself a substitute dick.
If you’re looking for the quick and dirty approach, the get in and get out, I recommend a vibrator. You can add in the additional perks like one that hits your g-spot or covers ALL your bases or you can stay simple with just a bullet–whatever strikes your fancy.
If you’re really looking to enjoy yourself and take your time when he’s not around, I suggest getting a glass dildo. Glass dildos feel more to true to life and require you to do the work, since it doesn’t vibrate for you. But don’t worry, the work is definitely worth it.
Last time the bf went on vacay I went on a shopping spree over at Adam and Eve. They have every type/size/color vibe and dildo you could want. He was quite surprised when I attacked him as soon as he got back with one of these things, but he was kind of jet-lagged so he just went with it.
But sometimes a dildo distraction isn’t enough to keep you from wondering if your man is indulging in a little different area-code copulation without you. So after you get off with your new vibe, don’t get mad, get crafty:
– Hack his Facebook and read all of his messages
– Access his email account and read his email.
– Break into his house and snoop around.
– Set up a GPS tracker on his phone, so you can see his whereabouts at all times.
– Break into his voicemail and delete messages you don’t like.
If you DO happen to find out he’s cheating with some Ohio/Euro/local skank, at least you’ve got a ton of new toys to keep you company until you find a rebound guy!
The most important toy of all is a male chastity device (like the common CB-6000). Always, always, always keep your man locked up until you are ready to use him. Not only will it ensure that he’s saving all that yummy love juice for you instead of wasting it on porn & masturabation, but it’s a kinky fun tease between the two of you that will keep him on his toes. (Oh, and it keeps him on the straight an narrow during one of those solo “vacations”.)
September 18, 2012 @ 1:54 am