I know you're all Miss Independent women, women who can buy themselves their own drinks thank-you-very-much, women who will blow half their paycheck on a Missoni scarf or laser hair removal to obtain a perfect, life-long Hitler 'stache over their gash, but let's be honest, free drinks just taste better.Sometimes, a girl just wants to have a quiet drink with a friend alone, and doesn't want to be bothered by some loser trying to buy her time -- but girls, a free drink from a loser is still a free drink. Plus, as I stated in Rule #1, how can you get into trouble if you're drinking alone?
So the next time you're about to order yourself a drink at the bar, instead:
- Make eye contact with someone at the bar. Sometimes a little eye contact is all the encouragement a guy needs.
- Wait until he orders then sidle up right next to him and say "I've been trying to get the bartender's attention all night!" Make sure you do it before the drinks are delivered so he can tack your order onto his.
- Sometimes a simple "Buy me a drink" does the trick. Trust me, that one has never failed.
Ok, so you've scored your drink, and now you've been cornered by a clinger. A dirty hot guy who is so your T just walked into the bar. How do you lose the loser so you can pounce on 6 feet of man meat?
Just remember to use one of my fave depraved excuses:
"I would totally fuck you but I just had an abortion this morning and I'm still bleeding like crazy!"
Happy hunting!
3 comments:
Great tips! I went to Barneys Beanery to watch the Stealers game and inadvertently saddled up at the bar BETWEEN two guys who had some kind of beef or unpleasant history with each other...I figured this out when each started to compete with the other by offering to buy my drinks. In this case, TWO losers is better than One.
hilarious! and very educational :)
hahahahahahaha. i'm going to use that depraved excuse. so good! thanks for giving me a good laugh this morning. and ms rutman is back on form! oh how i've missed reading your stuff.
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