Here’s a sneak peek at season two. You’ll notice some familiar faces … along with several new ones!
Photo courtesy Alex Merkin
Our poorly kept secret is out! Much like the time I gave Stevie a hand job on the handball court in elementary school, several people know, many suspect, but it hasn’t been confirmed … until now.
The Girl’s Guide to Depravity will be returning to television this fall on Cinemax in the US.
Stay tuned for some sneak peeks!
So I was reading some article about how throngs of wannabe Carrie Bradshaws were (and continue to be) so inspired by Sex and the City that they moved to NYC to live her fabulous faux-life. So now there’s a city full of Carries in search of Mirandas, Samanthas and Charlottes to listen to their endless relationship drama bullshit.
Now, don’t get me wrong, SATC is obviously a huge inspiration to me (as well as GIRLS, which I’m also a huge fan of) but I never wanted to be Carrie. Because Carrie Bradshaw is an asshole.
Have you ever watched the entire series back-to-back? I did once, after a particularly horrible breakup and period of unemployment when I had nothing to do but drink Xantinis and watch tv. If you actually watch the episodes in close order, you’ll see that she’s basically a self-involved bitch who ruins all her relationships.
Fuck Carrie. I’d rather be Samantha.
Hell hath no fury like a woman fucked over by her boyfriend. But girls, if he’s fucking around on you, there’s only one thing to do: fuck him back. And not with your vag.
I have a friend who found out her boyfriend was cheating on her at a nearby hotel with a 21-year-old, so she called the cops, claimed to be the guy’s sex addicts anonymous sponsor and that he called because he was about to butt fuck an underage prostitute. She was concerned for his health and safety, she said.
Boy, was he surprised when he got a knock on the door from the po po. But since no money changed hands, they couldn’t arrest him.
He came home the next morning to a big “Yard Sale” sign on his front lawn where my friend (and his very recent ex) was selling all his worldly possessions: (his clothes, a Jaeger LeCoultre watch, a signed Picasso lithograph, his vintage comic collection) all for the low, low, low price of 99 cents each.
He got fucked twice that day.
We have a winner! Congrats to Lexie, who uses Rule #7: The Best Way to Get Over A Guy is to Get Under Another Guy … “or in some cases two or three or four!”
I’m in a giving mood, and this time I’m not just giving head to my boyfriend!
I’m giving away a signed copy of The Girl’s Guide to Depravity book for XXX-Mas to one lucky fan.
To enter, leave a comment below telling me which depraved rule you love to use and how you’ve used it. It could be one of my rules, or one you made up yourself. I’ll announce a winner on Tuesday, the 18th.
I’ll only mail to the continental US but if you’re an international fan and are willing to pay for the shipping, go ahead and enter below!
Good luck, bitches and Merry Fucking Chrismukkwanza!
(I was cleaning out my pantry and found my Magic Berry tablets. Since I had so much fun conducting experiments with them then — and now – I decided to re-post this from the old blog in the name of science … and sluttiness.)
Where have I been that I never heard about such an amazing fruit called a “Magic Berry” that turn anything sour into sweet? So when a friend first told me about magic berries, obviously, my first thought was how could I use this for evil instead of good? My second thought was: Dick.
You’re supposed to take a bite (or in this case, pop a pill because I’m all about the dolls) and suck on a lemon, just to see how sweet it turns the tart fruit, but of course I want to pop one and suck on a dick.
It’s not as if my boyfriend’s got the funkiest tasting spunk, but no matter how many pineapples he eats, he just isn’t gonna jizz honey.
Well, at least not until now. The other night I dissolved one of these babies on the tip of my tongue, letting it tingle my buds before I got on my knees and got to work.
Now, lemme explain that he had in fact eaten a half a pineapple before we began our little experiment, because it apparently only supresses your savory and bitter taste buds, leaving your sweet buds to work in overtime. It doesn’t work if there isn’t even a tiny bit of sugar.
So I sucked away and the minute he blew his load, I rolled it around in my mouth as if it were a fine wine. And Oh. My. God. if it didn’t taste the slightest bit sweet. Not like I was eating creme brulee or anything, but certainly not as sour and salty as usual.
Now, I’m a slut with sugar issues (aka I can’t have it) so any hint of sweet gets me off. Therefore, I predict a lot of bjs in my bf’s future thanks to the magic fruit.
But it wasn’t allllllll about the dong, I also licked a lemon which turned into sugary lemonade, bit into an orange that tasted like orange sherbet, but what was by far my favorite transformation of the evening was the cucumber (are you surprised?). It had such a delicate sweetness I could have munched on it all night!
Well, that and my boyfriend’s schlong!
Posted by Heather in summer vacation
What’s the best thing about summer? Sexy, sweaty, summer sex. But what’s the second best thing about summer? Summer vacays, of course! And although there’s nothing better than sexy, sweaty, summer vacation sex, sometimes your schedule just doesn’t align with your man’s and you’re forced to let him getaway without you.
So what’s a horny girl to do when your man goes on holiday without you?
Invest in some sex toys. Whether it’s a quick weekend trip to Cabo or a month-long jaunt around Thailand, if you plan on being faithful, you better get yourself a substitute dick.
If you’re looking for the quick and dirty approach, the get in and get out, I recommend a vibrator. You can add in the additional perks like one that hits your g-spot or covers ALL your bases or you can stay simple with just a bullet–whatever strikes your fancy.
If you’re really looking to enjoy yourself and take your time when he’s not around, I suggest getting a glass dildo. Glass dildos feel more to true to life and require you to do the work, since it doesn’t vibrate for you. But don’t worry, the work is definitely worth it.
Last time the bf went on vacay I went on a shopping spree over at Adam and Eve. They have every type/size/color vibe and dildo you could want. He was quite surprised when I attacked him as soon as he got back with one of these things, but he was kind of jet-lagged so he just went with it.
But sometimes a dildo distraction isn’t enough to keep you from wondering if your man is indulging in a little different area-code copulation without you. So after you get off with your new vibe, don’t get mad, get crafty:
– Hack his Facebook and read all of his messages
– Access his email account and read his email.
– Break into his house and snoop around.
– Set up a GPS tracker on his phone, so you can see his whereabouts at all times.
– Break into his voicemail and delete messages you don’t like.
If you DO happen to find out he’s cheating with some Ohio/Euro/local skank, at least you’ve got a ton of new toys to keep you company until you find a rebound guy!