Back in my wild days -- i.e. the days of drinking, drugging and stalking -- I had what was my first (and hopefully last) encounter with a clitter dick.
You know, a dick so small it looks like a clit?
Anyway, I used to work at this club in LA as a cocktail waitress, and there was this one adorable bartender that all the girls had a crush on.
A typical night of "work" meant sneaking drinks from said bartender and sneaking off to the bathroom to do coke. But it was after the club closed was when the party started.
One night after a particular crazy night at work, he invited me back to his house. And even though I was drunk and fucked up, I had no intention of having sex with him (yes, I usually make that decision in advance.) But just because I didn't intend on having actual sex, didn't mean we sat around and played Super Mario Brothers.
We started making out on his bed. It was getting hot and heavy and suddenly I unzipped his pants and reached for his dick. Well, I thought I was reaching for his dick, I just kept coming up with nuthin' but air! So I decided to cop a look and that's when I saw it: A peen so small it looked like his thumb. Well, half a thumb!
I may be a bitch, but I'm not cruel ... unless you deserve it. I didn't want him to think the reason I didn't want to have sex with him (which I had already decided in advance) was because of his clitterdick, so to be polite, I agreed to get down to business. To my relief, after all that coke, he went completely soft (not that I could even tell the difference) so thankfully, I was spared a night of thumb-fucking.
But girls, if you're like me, and you're confronted by a clitterdick who's not so into the tiny penis humiliation (my new favorite website if you couldn't already tell), don't give him a complex. Be polite and give him one of my depraved excuses as to why you won't fuck the thumb.
Here's a few that always work for me:
1) Sorry, I would fuck you but I just had an abortion yesterday and I'm still bleeding like crazy! (This one is my all-time favorite.)
2) I can't have sex with you because I think I'm in love with you and I want to wait. (He should pack up the peen and run.)
Or:
3) I have chlamydia and a severe latex allergy. Wanna roll the dice?
7 comments:
Sounds like you are a girl who enjoys a large cock.
What's the biggest you've ever experienced? What's the story behind that?
Actually, I'm kind of like Goldicocks, I like one that's not too big, not too small, but just right.
That wasn't much of an answer Goldicocks. ;) My GF says all women prefer a big cock whether they admit it or not. So how big have you gone and what length is just right?
Ugh...I had one, funniest part was he called himself "average". I called it a golf-pencil. Thank goodness he made up for it in other areas.
I agree though, it's okay to laugh about with your friends, but not to his face. That's just cruel.
Oh my God! I mean, I'm no John Holmes but did you see those things on that site?? They really were like clits.
So, do you think guys have a thing against girls with clits so big they look like dicks?
Several years ago I was dating a guy who was pretty much forgettable, except he had a 9 inch friend. It was the BEST LAY EVER. At the time I was also dating another guy who was very nice, but his dick was more of a skinny 6. Kind of like the "golf-pencil" mentioned above. I would often brush him off when Mr. 9 called because let's face it, a big dick in the hand is worth 2 skinny ones in the bush. Eventually skinny caught wind of what was going on and he stopped seeing me. Unfortunately Mr. 9 and I parted ways when he knocked another girl up. Looking back on the situation would I have done things differently? Never.
I'm not sure why women would even want to bother with the clitterdicks. What a waste of time!
@Toad734: I believe many men would be relieved to find a clit so big it looked like a dick. No more problems locating that sneaky son of a bitch.
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