You're exhausted after a three-day bender when your stalkee just tweets that he's going to be at The Burgundy Room in an hour. So what do you do?

Take a Ritalin.

When you get there, he orders you a White Russian. You can't refuse a free drinks (or his attention) so, you happily down it even though you're lactose intolerant.

Take an Immodium.

He's so high on coke that by the time you get him back to your bed, he can't get it up.

Dose him with a Viagra.

The condom breaks during sex.

Take the day after pill.

You've got "the pit" in your stomach waiting for him to call you.

Take a Xanax.

Forget diamonds, dolls are a Depraved Girl's best friend. So pay a visit to your pharmacist (aka your dealer) and make sure you're well stocked for stalking!