Wednesday, March 3, 2010

"The Talk"

Posted by The Cuntessa at 11:30 AM Labels:

After about a month and a half of dating, I finally decided it was time to have "the talk" with my now-boyfriend.  I told him we needed to have a conversation and he gave me that look, you know, like I was about to take him to the vet to be neutered.

"I can't hold it in any longer," I told him.

"I think it's time we farted in front of each other."

"Like, right now?" he asked.  "Yes, be a gentleman and do it first," I said.

"But I don't have any gas."

"Try."

So he stood in front of me, ass out, cheeks spread, and pushed and pushed and pushed.  His face started turning red, but no fart.  Then suddenly, mid-push, he got this mortified look on his face and turned to run into the bathroom: he shit his pants.

I laughed so hard, I farted.

4 comments:

  1. This is um, kind of awesome. I've only had "the talk" once. I drank so much so I'd have the courage to bring it up, and I ended up passing out mid-way through the conversation. Yeah..everything pretty much went downhill from there.

    http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com/
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  2. Why do women feel the need to have the fart talk?
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  4. It's funny how women like to create the monster, but later get disgusted and angry and start complaining when their man actually follows through. If you are a woman who wants to have the fart talk, might as well just rip one in front of him and let the cards fall where they may. It probably won't be that big of a deal. Of course you might open Pandora's box because he'll feel the urge to retaliate. It's an instinct developed and honed when he was younger and had brothers. And later, when you are sitting in your small apartment, eyes watering, him laughing, because he just farted the whole "Jingle Bells" song you'll probably be wondering if you should have just squeezed your own ass cheeks shut.
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