The Girl's Guide to Depravity

Who the hell came up with the three date rule as the standard time a girl's got to wait to get off with a new guy?  I say, fuck the rules and fuck on the first date if you want to.

I have a girlfriend, D, who's so fucking patient, she waited a whole year for her perfect motorcycle-riding guy to break up with his imperfect girlfriend.  Course, she did help things along a bit in the break-up department with the aid of a gallon of mudslides, a hot tub and the girl's ex-boyfriend, but the very minute his Facebook status changed from "In A Relationship" to "It's Complicated," she called and asked him out to drinks.

"It was the best date of my life," she later told me.  "The sex was hot?" I asked.  "No, we didn't do it."

I practically choked on my Xantini.  "What the fuck do you mean, your vagina waited patiently for a year for this dude and didn't do him?"

"It's the first date," she said, "I'm waiting until the third, I don't want him to think I'm a slut!"

Date number two came but she didn't, and after, my girl starts getting prepped for the big date #3.  She waxes, she plucks, she tans.  Hell, she even got her asshole bleached.

The next day, bright and early, I called her up.

"So?  Is your pussy sore?"

"I don't want to talk about it," she said, sounding depressed.  "What?  He had a micro-dick?"

"Worse.  He's dead."

Apparently her bike-riding hottie got into a horrible accident the day of their sex date and his dick was being buried (along with the rest of him) before she'd ever gotten the chance to wrap her cooch around it.

Bottom line is men all leave one way or another.  So why wait for some arbitrary date to get off? Might as well have some fun and get laid while you can!

I have a guy friend who swears that shooting off a wad helps cure his cold.  I guess it's just something about flushing out those fluids.

Well, I recently had the opportunity to test his theory since I've had the nastiest cold for almost a week.  Hot, right?  Yeah, my boyfriend doesn't really think so either, so I've been left to my own devices to try this home remedy.

Last night, I pulled out one of said devices, and despite having to pause every minute or so for the violent cough that wracked my body, I was able to get off.

I swear, for the next hour, I didn't cough once.  Not once!

Course, I'm not feeling so great today, so I guess I'll just have to spend some time trying this cure again tonight...

I always keep my shit clean and (mostly) pube free but I would be lying if I said I didn't miss my bush every once in a while, especially on cold winter nights when the chill goes from your ice cold nipples down to your bare beaver.

Well, now I can have my Brazilian and my bush too -- thanks to Pubic Panties by Finnish art duo Tärähtäneet Ämmät!

But these beauties aren't just for winter, with bikini season arriving, I can already feel my box getting lonely in my briefs.  Forget vajazzling, I'm going to trick out my twat with one of these babies instead!

Source: Flash Glam Trash

My friend Liz (yes, her) is finally crushing on some new hot young thing, but over the weekend, she met yet another guy -- not quite as young or hot, but definitely fuckable. They exchanged numbers.

So this morning she asked me if I thought it was ok for her to text him first. My response?

"He's on your B-Team. Do whatever the fuck you want!"

Lemme 'splain -- If you're already creaming over the thought of some cute guy's cock, any lesser dicks you come into contact with in the meantime are just back-up guys. Therefore, text 'em if you want, ask 'em out if you want and fuck 'em if you want.

He's not the one you really want, so you can't lose.

Photo via SeraphimC

Last night the BF and I decided to experiment with hot wax. Not in the way you think, though.

I let him give me a Brazilian.

It sounds weird, but it's actually a bigger turn on than you'd think! The pain of the wax ripping your hair out of your hoo-hah coupled with the pleasure of his fingers in places that haven't been touched since grade school was exxxtremely enjoyable.

So girls, definitely try this at home. Not only does it save you $$$ and a trip to the Russian waxer, but it prompted a night of hot, hairless sex.

Just make sure you pay attention to what he's doing. After we finished our sticky love sesh, I looked down and noticed that he had waxed my pubes in the shape of his favorite thing: A bottle of Bud Light.

But I got him back. While he was asleep, I fished my wax strips out of the trash and glued them onto his face in the shape of a pube mustache.