The Girl's Guide to Depravity

As couples all over the country are preparing to stuff themselves on heavy, overpriced meals followed by boner-killing desserts that are so rich they'll be unable to work off those calories in the bedroom, single people also have something to celebrate this Valentine's day -- the fact that they're much skinnier than their breeder counterparts.

Once you start a relationship, it's all about the fucking. You meet up for drinks, then you head to one of your apartments (or just the back alley if you're revved up enough) for some sex. Pretty soon, you're skipping the drinks and just going over to each others' houses for a booty call. But then something happens. Someone sleeps over. Then there's breakfast. Maybe an afternoon movie where you share some popcorn. Followed by dinner.  Pretty soon, the relationship that was all about fucking is suddenly all about eating!

I have a friend who would always balloon up a relationship. The guy would get sick of living with a sloth, so he'd dump with her, she'd go on the break-up diet (pinkberry, red wine and Xanax), and get thin again. He'd see her out somewhere and assume she had gotten "healthy" then get back together again where the whole cycle started all over again! Is being in a relationship really worth not being able to fit into your carefully curated collection of skinny jeans?

As the great Kate Moss once said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels..." Including the dick of a guy you're sucking just so you can call him your boyfriend!

Hey Depraved Girls, bitches, dicks, douchebags, p*ssies and the other five of you! The show based on this dirty little blog is premiering on February 24th on Cinemax!

Check out the first teaser trailer above. I assure you the actual show is no tease.

After you've watched it go ahead and share it with all your friends -- we want to spread it around like VD!

You may not believe it but there have been some times when even a slut like me finds herself without a guy to lust, stalk or fuck. That's when you've got to get yourself a practice guy.

What's a "practice guy"? He's someone that you only feel "eh" about so you practice with him until you meet the real thing.

For instance, if there's some crazy sex acts you want to do with your future fuck (whomever he may be) and you haven't quite nailed the dismount yet, do it with your practice guy. If you're afraid of unleashing the crazy too soon in a relationship, find yourself a practice guy and gauge where his cray-cray meter stops.

Basically do everything and anything you either want to do or know you'll eventually do in spite of yourself with this throwaway dude so that you're really prepared when that dirty hot guy you've been dreaming about (and masturbating to) magically appears.

These posters of Oscar-nominate actor Jean Dujardin's latest movie Les Infideles are apparently causing a stir in France. Seriously, France? The country that invented sadomasochism and the whore's bath? No wonder I fucking love them.