The Girl's Guide to Depravity

Girls, if you're like me, you usually wait until the very last minute go Christmas shopping. But never fear, Depraved Girl is here with a few XXX-Mas suggestions for the not-so-special guy in your life:

You know how he's been begging for anal for weeks? Well, tell him his gift is that you're finally ready for butt play, but when he comes over surprise him with this "Ilya Fleet Harness" from Coco de Mer. Hey, you're game if he is!


Depraved girls love bad boys. Ok, ALL girls love bad boys, so if he's been really naughty this year, you can get him this "Teach Me A Lesson" Ruler (also from CdM). Tell him it comes with a nude spanker (you of course.) And since I'm sure you didn't exactly top Santa's "Nice" list, don't be stingy, turn around, stick out that ass and let him teach you a lesson, too.


But my favorite XXX-Mas gift is the one that keeps on giving ... er, cumming:

I have no problem giving a good blow job. I'll go down at the drop of a hat. But they don't call it a job for nothing, that shit is hard work! The "Pink Lady" Fleshlight will do the trick when you've had so many vodka sodas waiting for his ass to come over that you passed out (or you're just too damn tired.)


If these gifts don't jingle his balls, you could always give him what he gave you last year for Christmas: chlamydia!

My boyfriend has a "sex window." Like he'll get incredibly horny but if I don't do something about it within oh, about a half-an-hour, he loses the urge to purge his spoodge. I never understood that. I'm like a car, once you turn me on, I'll keep running until I'm out of gas ... or you turn me off with something like incredibly disgusting toenails.

But to be fair, I have a sex window too -- it looks out directly onto my neighbor's bedroom, where I can see him getting it on with his boyfriend at practically all hours.