The Girl's Guide to Depravity

Sex in water sounds like an amazing idea -- you feel as light as Nicole Richie during the rex days and you can get into all sorts of crazy positions, right?

Wrong.

I was recently asked if water sex would be a more gentle way to lose your v-card:

Q: I read somewhere that if your lose your virginity while swimming it won't hurt as much. Do you know if there is any truth to that?

Ummmm... no.

Once my boyfriend and I got so hot and heavy at a hotel pool (no one was there, btw) that we had to screw right then and there. We got under the water and pulled our drawers down but no matter what he did and how hard he tried, he couldn't shove it in. It was like trying to get a fat kid in a wetsuit. It just wasn't gonna happen.

Why? Because water actually causes friction in your freaky places.

So after about 10 minutes of playing shove and tug, we decided to pop into our room for a quickie.

"You want water sports?" I asked him? He shook his head yes. So I squirted all over him.

Have you done it successfully in water? Share your sexy stories below!

The days of women pretending to be inexperienced virgins to get a guy interested in them are over. This is 2010. Even Hannah Montana is letting her pussy lips flap free in the wind.

And there's nothing more unattractive than a woman who's ashamed of her past experience.

Now, I've got nothing against actual virgins, just sluts who pretend they're far more innocent than they are to get a guy.

I'm sure some men are intimidated by an inexperienced woman, but if that's the case, either move on to someone who can handle your shit or practice the what he know won't hurt him rule -- just keep your number to yourself!

One of my friends in high school used to tell every guy she hooked up with that she was a virgin, so "be gentle." Well, that may have worked in high school but when she's out in the clubs, a drink in one hand and a coke straw in the other, that shit just looks stupid and desperate.

Be who you are, whether your number is zero or two zero zero.

As for my number? That's one secret I'll never tell.

But feel free to reveal yours in the comments below!

I've recently started answering your sick and sexy questions via Formspring, Facebook and Twitter.

Here's a little taste of what kinda depravity I've been doling out:

Q: My boyfriend recently was injured, he has to wear a back brace when not in bed and an arm sling most of the time for the next 6 to 8 weeks. The doctors told him not to have sex or masturbate for at least 4 to 5 weeks because cumming might actually break his spine. After I was finished laughing I got reallt depressed. It's been 1 week, neither of us are doing so well. Suggestions?

A: Just because he's laid up doesn't mean you can't get laid! I assume his tongue isn't in a sling? So sit down on his face and make him get to work!

Q: so me and my guy have been together for a year and we now live together, so sex used to be a frequent thing, now it only happens when HE wants it to happen. what about me? how can i get our sex life back to a mutual thing. -Christina

A: Christina -- one question: how are your bj skillz? In my experience, no guy will refuse a hummer, no matter how tired he is. So get to work, then when it's good 'n ready, jump on that peen and do your business!

Q: How can you go from being fuck buddies to dating?

A: Right before he slips his peen between your thighs, just close your eyes and imagine you went to dinner first. Cuz that's the only way you'll ever get a fuck buddy to date you.

Have you got a question about sex, love or depravity? Ask me here: http://www.formspring.me/DepravedGirl It's anonymous!