The Girl's Guide to Depravity

Sorry, girls, you may have seen him first, but I'm not cock-blocking you if his peen has no interest in connecting with your vag.

My friends and I pretty much suscribe to the "5 second rule" when it comes to guys. You have exactly five seconds to get him to cream for you, otherwise he's fair game.

I never understood those girls who would call dibs on a totally fuckable dude the very first second they saw him, and even if he found her as repulsive as a dirty tampon, none of her friends could get on him. EVER.

The difference between a girl like that and a depraved girl is that the dg would never stand in the way of her girlfriend getting to bust a nut with some random hottie just because she couldn't close the deal. Because at least the hot, extremely detailed sex stories she'll get from her girlfriend after will give her enough spank material for a month.

I love my job. And by "job", of course I mean "blowjob".

And apparently, I'm very good at it. How do I know? Because I've washed more spoodge out of my hair than Tom Cruise.

So one thing I can't stand is when I'm doing my thing and a guy puts his hands on my head to guide me. I don't need a tour guide to direct me to where your dick is, it's currently in my mouth.

So just sit back and relax and let me do my job.