Rule #15: If You Travel More Than 20 Miles For A Booty Call, At Least One Of You Must Get Off

Monday, March 8, 2010

Rule #15: If You Travel More Than 20 Miles For A Booty Call, At Least One Of You Must Get Off

Posted by The Cuntessa at 8:15 AM Labels: Rule #15: If You Travel More Than 20 Miles For A Booty Call At Least One Of You Must Get Off

Several years ago, I met this guy at a party. He was wearing long sleeves in August, but he was cute, funny and straight, so I gave him my number.

A few nights later he booty-called me at 11pm. "Come over," he said. "I wanna lick you for so long that your pussy's gonna prune."

"I'm leaving now," I said, pulling on my ankle boots. "Where do you live?"

"Northridge."

The Valley??? Asshole tricked me with a 323 area code! But I was horny, and I was ready to go so I got in my car and made the 20 mile trek from Hollywood.

I got there around midnight and he immediately pounced on me (once again, wearing long sleeves.) We were making out pretty heavily, and I was naked before I knew it. He was still fully clothed, so I reached for his shirt, pulled it over his head and revealed the FURRIEST CHEST I'D EVER SEEN!

Now, I'm not opposed to a little chest hair (it's actually quite sexy on some guys) but this guy was covered neck to wrist in a thick pelt. Taking off his shirt was like opening a can of Pillsbury Crescent Rolls, you hear a pop and then all this hair just explodes out of its container.

It dried me up quicker than Accutane. Seriously, I was completely turned off. I was tempted to leave right then and there. But I had driven all that way...

So I gave him a blowjob and then I bolted.

8 comments:

: Anonymous said...; If I have to drive more than a mile in any direction I better be getting off.; March 8, 2010 12:34 PM
: Anonymous said...; i drove about 200 miles in Georgia for a meet and greet, turns out the chick had posted a 10 year old pic on her profile, was married and had rotting black teeth. all she kept talking about was kicking guy's asses. i made my excuses and RAN!!!; March 8, 2010 12:42 PM
: Anonymous said...; If I have to get off the couch and walk further than the fridge I better be getting off...; March 8, 2010 1:16 PM
: Wings said...; nup too far...

10 km is too far for me and thats only 6 miles to you guys; March 8, 2010 3:46 PM
: Ellen said...; A chest rug? Ew, that's the worst. Lord only knows what his back will look like in five years...

http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com/; March 8, 2010 7:07 PM
: Anonymous said...; Kudos for taking his wookie cookie!; March 9, 2010 12:16 PM
: Toad734 said...; Wow, so A guy disgusts you and you end up going down on him??? Seems backwards.

This made me think of this blog:
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-woman-shaves-and-drives-causes-car-wreck/; March 9, 2010 1:57 PM
: The Boyfriend Shopper said...; I'm loving your blog.
I'll definitely be following.

Check out mine. I think you'd especially love it:

http://theboyfriendshopper.blogspot.com/; March 9, 2010 2:05 PM