You can't swing a vagina in LA without meeting some celebrity who's got such low standards that he'll fuck anything that moves -- i.e. you and me.
So as a result, my girlfriends and I have seen more celebrity dick than Jennifer Love Hewitt!(Oh, the stories I could tell about a certain TV star...)
But I'm realizing sexing a celeb isn't just an LA thing. In fact, there's horny celebs all over the world who are just dying to validate their egos by screwing us mere mortals.
Recently one of GG2D's readers from across the pond asked me what she should do when faced with a big ol' C-lister's shlong.
So I've put together a few tips to help you get on, get off and get over it if you ever find yourself in a similar situation:
1. Fuck him. Do it for the story you'll tell your girlfriends who will be living vicariously through every thrust. You owe it to them.
2. Do NOT try to date him! In fact, try never to talk to him again -- A celebrity is by definition, the most over-confident insecure person you'll ever meet. They expect you to adore them. So after you drive him mad in bed, don't ever respond to him again, and you'll drive him mad in another way.
3. Whatever you do, don't make a sex tape. Sure, these days, for an actor, it's akin to winning an Oscar, but you'll just be "that girl who made a sex tape with David Spade." Where can you go from there? Nowhere -- except porn.
Fucking a celebrity is something every girl should do if she has the chance (then immediately write to me about it) but if you are going to get freaky with the famous, DEFINITELY practice uber-safe sex. There is a very good possibility you'll only be two degrees or so away from Paris Hilton. And we all know she's popping the Valtrex like candy.
Have you ever had sex with a celeb? Dish your dirty details in the comments below!
4 comments:
I had an interesting experience one evening at the Key Club. I met a, I would say B+ lister, possibly A, (depending on the movie). Me and about 3 other girls were standing near the VIP section. In fact, you could almost kind of see down upon us from the slightly elevated VIP section.
About halfway into Steel Panthers set, I get a tap on the shoulder. It's from a security guard. He explains I have an invitation for the VIP section. I tell him no thanks, because I figured they were just rounding up chicks to lure guys there. He then said, (so and so would like to meet you) I shouldn't say his name, so I won't. I will say this though, he had to have been about 5'6", which was disappointing, but expected at the same time. When his career isn't 'speeding' forward, he can be seen in many quality indie-ish films.
Anyhow, I went up, sat next to him. Far less star struck than you'd think a girl from Minnesota would be. He told me he liked my dress, and reached down to touch the fabric. He 'accidently' grazed my leg, and said they were the smoothest he'd ever felt (blah blah blah) Instead of playing any stupid games, I pulled his face into mine and kissed him. Things got hot and heavy pretty quickly. He texted his driver, and then he fucked me in the backseat of the car while his driver waited outside. It was actually a really amazing experience. He went for about 30 minutes, which I thought was pretty impressive.
The aftermath, well, there really wasn't anything negative about it. It was the first and only time I've ever had a one night stand, and it was well worth it. I've told only my closest of friends, the 3 girls who accompanied me to the club, and wondered where the hell I was.
Sadly, a couple days later I began to miss him and his beautiful eyes and flowing locks of hair. But what can never be should be left alone. At odd as it sounds, I am a better person because of this. I now know the difference between fantasy fuck and reality. When the fantasy becomes reality, you'd better dive in feet first. Or in my case, mouth first.
Now THAT is what I'm talking about, sistah!
Anonymous:
Scott Evil?
This is one story I never get tired of telling.
My and a few of my close friends went to NYC for a weekend of partying and boys.
The first night we were there we were at a certain club, one out of many that night. When I was approached by a very good looking man. After many offers to buy me a drink, I finally accepted. A few drinks later we were chatting it up and hitting the dance floor. He invited me back to his hotel, and I immediately accepted.
When we got back to his room we didn't waste any time and within 5 minutes our clothes were off and we were going at it like crazy. The next morning I left and went back to my hotel.
After telling my friends and googling I finally realized who I had just spent the night with. Let's leave him nameless, but I will say he was in one the highest growing movies this year.
He called me later, and I spent the night again at his hotel.
It is definetely a weekend I will never forget.
Post a Comment